We live in a society today that has lost its moorings. Drug overdose deaths are at record highs, and many have lost what hope they had. The storms come, and people toss about on the sea of life with no secure anchor to hold them steady. Even when faith in God is present, faith that has not been tested before may not be sufficient. What is it that can help people to successfully navigate to their destiny? This book is a compilation of individual stories and events from the real experiences of the many people that I have encountered and know. It’s about tragedies that are all too common in our society; this is the reality of our day. It’s not just about the tragedies, though. Just as in life, there are mountaintop experiences in the lives of characters of this book. There are, then, just as in real life, the difficult valleys that come again. The Bible tells us that Yeshua, after overcoming the enemy during the forty days in the wilderness, had the devil leave Him but only for a season. We only become stronger as we choose to allow Him to completely control our lives; He gives us the power to overcome any struggle if we take refuge in Him. A remedy that will heal our land is available for many of the ailments plaguing us all. That remedy is a true relationship with our Creator, not just knowledge or acknowledgment of Him but a relationship with Him. It is possible to have the refuge that we all need to make it through life and be whole. It is possible to be healed of the hurts that haunt us when we let Him do the healing work that only He can do. Sometimes we need His precision, surgical hands to take out something that doesn’t need to be there. Sometimes we just need to be held in His arms knowing that He really does care for us like His children. A God that knows the number of hairs on our heads, and even knows when a sparrow dies, is the same God that wants to be the first priority of all of our lives. We have to choose to let Him be in that place, and when we do, we can have a peace that the world cannot comprehend, cannot know, and cannot take away. How do we get there? Consider the caterpillar that inches its way along, trying to make it through life, until one day it stops growing and is ready to start undergoing a transformation. The vulnerable caterpillar attaches itself to a limb and then enters the pupa stage, forming a chrysalis. A transforming miracle occurs to enable the eventual appearance of a butterfly. Any number of things can happen to a caterpillar prior to forming the chrysalis, but how vulnerable it is then, just hanging there and completely unable to defend itself? One day, it will emerge more free than ever. One day, it will soar at heights that the caterpillar could have never comprehended. Just as that caterpillar works hard and struggles to grow up, we are similar in some ways. As each of us matures, we all change. We all enter into our own figurative chrysalis, and the dangers lurk for the vulnerable. Who will watch over that vulnerable chrysalis as it transforms into something miraculous? We need a Caretaker.

Chapter 1

Sarah Ashton drove her late model, white sedan into the clinic parking lot and sat for a moment, being ever so quiet. She sat looking down for a moment before lifting her head, straightening her gaze, and opening the door. Sarah was wearing a gray pantsuit and black dress shoes. Her shoulder-length brown hair highlighted her slender frame. Looking disheveled, she walked forward into the clinic reception area. There was tenseness in her face and body posture. Years of worry and disappointment had marked her face with its inerasable lines. Sarah mostly looked down while walking, occasionally glancing up for direction. Upon coming to the counter to check in, she stood there and wondered if anyone there could help her, if anyone would understand. Sarah thought, This is a waste of time, and I ought to forget it and go home, before signing her name on the list to be seen. She had recently moved into the area and was hoping for some help.

The receptionist noticed that when she approached the counter, she avoided eye contact, looking in any other direction. Sarah wanted something to stare at instead of into someone’s eyes. She had a fine tremor as thoughts were bouncing back and forth in her mind like a ping-pong ball. She knew she might break down and start crying if she got too close to anyone. The receptionist asked her to fill out some forms and return them when finished. She hesitated and then went back to her chair to sit down and start working on the forms despite her misgivings. They only want to see what they can charge me, she thought while filling out the requested information. She reviewed the questions about her health and checked off problems she was having: headaches, neck pain, muscle aches, chest pain, palpitations, shortness of breath, abdominal pain, diarrhea, constipation, and fatigue. She reflected on some other things she wanted to write but hesitated. Upon finishing, she got up from her seat in slow motion and brought the paperwork back to the receptionist, then she went back to her seat to wait. I wonder if I should have written that down, she thought again. After sitting for a few minutes, the nurse came to the door.

“Hello, Mrs. Ashton, my name is Casey. I’m your nurse, and I’m glad you made it here today. You can follow me, please.” Sarah’s chagrin was noticeable as she glanced at Casey. After a pause, she arose and followed her to a back hallway, where Casey checked her weight and vital signs in the exam room.

“How are you feeling today?” Casey asked.

“Okay, I guess,” she replied, knowing she didn’t mean it a bit. Sarah sat down and went through most of her numerous complaints with the nurse after they led her to an examination room to wait for the physician to come see her. She fidgeted because of her nervousness while she waited, but the tension lessened as she sat there and had some time to think.

The exam room differed from ones she had been in before and actually had a calming effect. Everything in the office, from the magazines in the waiting room to the pictures on the walls, was uplifting to her. She loved this large oak tree with an outstretched canopy that provided the perfect shade for their picnic. There were looking out over a large lake in the distance. All of her thoughts seemed to vanish about why she shouldn’t be there, and she was glad now that she had overcome the battle playing out in her mind. After not too long, the door opened and in walked the physician. Dr. Tom Wesley had gray hair with some remaining brushes of black throughout. Tom was wearing a pair of gray dress pants with some black Florsheim shoes and a dark-blue polo shirt with the top button open. He had his stethoscope lying on his shoulders wrapped around his neck. After previewing the chart, he went to the exam door, anticipating what opportunity this next encounter would bring.

“How are you today, Mrs. Ashton?” the physician, Dr. Wesley, asked.

Sarah thought for a split second but then tritely replied with the usual, “Okay, I guess.”

“Sarah, I notice that you’ve checked off quite a large number of worrisome complaints here. Can you tell me about them, and we’ll see if we can figure this out?” he inquired.

She then told him about her episodes of pain that she was having in her chest and in other areas. Her chest pain didn’t sound like any type of heart condition, and Tom could tell that she probably had irritable bowel syndrome bothering her. The more she talked, it was obvious to the experienced physician that there was much more going on here than was being relayed directly. She did not hold direct eye contact much and frequently adjusted herself in the chair. As she talked, though, she could tell that Tom was listening to her intently. She thought to herself, Could he maybe help me? As she continued, he noticed a small tear forming in the corner of her right eye; it got larger and then it flowed ever so slowly down her face, which then had a more softened appearance.

Dr. Wesley leaned forward slightly in his chair and then looked into her eyes, trying to help her know he had compassion for whatever was giving her such discomfort. He softly asked, “Sarah, what’s really bothering you?” He perceived in her eyes the hurt and pain on the inside longing to be seen. She weighed whether she should allow him to see the hidden deep wounds inside. Sarah wondered whether he would even care about her anymore at all if he learned completely about her. She noticed his concern as she glanced back into his eyes enough to allow her to know and feel that he truly wanted to help.

The tears started flowing more freely. She sobbed almost uncontrollably, as if she had opened a solid iron gate that was holding back her emotions and let them flow freely. Through her tears and sobbing, she told him of how she’d been suffering with these ailments, which really were conditions of the heart. It was not the physical heart in the center of the chest but the heart among us that represents the soul and spirit of the person. The physical complaints that abounded within Sarah were her way of expressing her crushed spirit.

She could tell that Dr. Wesley was genuinely concerned about her and that she would be safe to discuss with him the demons that tormented her mind and how they got there. “Dr. Wesley, I just don’t know if I can talk about this.” She stammered, “It’s just…it’s just so hard to talk about.” Sarah grabbed some nearby tissues to dry the fountain of tears flowing, no longer withheld.

“Sarah, you don’t have to worry. I’m here to help you, and you really can trust me. Whatever you tell me stays between you and me,” reassured Dr. Wesley. He took a deep breath as he thought to himself about the other patients he had to see. Tom pondered whether he really had enough time to listen to a time-consuming discussion. With a brief sigh, he quickly brushed the thoughts away as he realized what might be at stake here. She could be on the verge of harming herself and making some other impulsive decision. Dr. Wesley knew he could never deal with his conscience if something awful happened to this fragile patient, so he put aside his schedule.

She continued to hold her face down and then looked up with a downcast, worried expression. Sarah was not hiding her inner pain any longer. Dr. Wesley was wondering what this could be that she was slow to reveal. She was so visibly ashamed about the whole matter and was still looking for signs of acceptance and understanding on the doctor’s face. Sarah hesitated, as if she were counting the costs of full disclosure. She moved her thumb and the index finger of her right hand to support her chin and thought, Would this be a place of safety and help for me?

There was a window in the examination room, and a bluebird landed on the windowsill just as she was talking with Dr. Wesley. Even though the window was closed, Sarah sat back more relaxed, as she could hear the chirping of the little bird that brought wonderful memories to her mind.

Sarah delved into her past once she felt more secure, hoping to give Dr. Wesley an understanding about her present predicament. A logical place to begin her story was where it began with her parents, Frank and Julia. She remembered a lot about her great-grandparents, grandparents, parents, and brother. She remembered some good things about them, and she also remembered some things that she wished she didn’t. Over the many years that she had to reflect on her life experiences, she had realized how the actions of one can affect many, for good or for bad. With what she had lived through, she understood so very well how a split-second decision can have ramifications for generations. She also knew that for the cycle of pain to stop, she had to be healed, but how could she? Who could ever bring her to a point of being able to feel safe again? She longed so much to have normal relationships with others, to have a family around that truly loved and cared for her and each other. Could Sarah find true peace? She would discover the answer to all these questions and more. Over the next several visits with Dr. Wesley, she related to him the story that follows of how she got to where she is now.